Dr Shredley  points the  way to rock! Believe and you will be  led by the master!

Q: Dear Dr S, I think I am going crazy. Everything I play sounds like crap, and I am running out of ideas. I love guitar and music, but feel like I am going nowhere fast. Help!!!! Roger of Balga.

A: Dear Roger...
Been there done that. Have a beer, stop worrying and just chill out dude. A change is as good as a rest. Break monotony by doing new things. Learn something new that you find very difficult and stop rehashing licks you know backwards. 

Q: Dear Dr S,my guitar sounds like an elephant in labour!
My guitar sounds awful even after tuning, what do i do????? Please help me! D. Kennedy.

Dear 'D'.. (name suppressed for legal reasons)...
You forgot to mention whether it was a mongolian white elephant, African or Indian elephant, or the Nigerian swamp elephant. This has a major bearing on tone.
Are you using a bone nut? This may possibly spook it, try also some lemon oil to open the sluices, bringing forth a smoother tone, but also a bit messy.
WARNING: Avoid use of fingerease! If you really must, wear a glove.
Also, the sound you hate may be music to some ears, so think ahead, be adventurous, try a seven string with a 2 X 15 cab and a tranny head, or even link multiple retro fuzz boxes! Some people would gladly pay to sound like what you describe! Think positive!
Then, if all else fails, give up!
PS: It must be a loud amp with lots of bottom end... what is it? I want one!  DR S.

Q: Dear Dr S, I am 45, overweight, balding, unfit, still living in the sixties, and can play better guitar than anyone in the world and can sing my butt off, write great songs and am a nice guy, why can't I get a gig, I know I have the talent!.... Mr Pork O. Saurus, Spearwood.

A: Dear Pork...
In the fickle world of pop and rock image means more than talent.
My suggestion is to market yourself correctly. Work out the demographic of punters that are fat, old, ugly and living in the past and try to sell yourself to that punter group. Do they buy CD's? Of course! Alternatively, repackage your image for a different market.
Try the classic combo of wig, surf gear and Nike trainers, a tad of body piercing, some tatts and a wasted look, stick to three chords and stop singing and start yelling... now what chance do you have?

Q: I have no brains, can't keep time, am tone deaf, and chicks find me repulsive... please help me... A. Drummer, Gosnells.

A: Dear A. Drummer.
Look on the bright side, you aren't a bass player..... Dr. S.

Q: How long a day should I practice to be as good as my hero Joe Satriani, and what do you think of his 'dance' album?
A. Di Stefano, Spearwood.

A: Dear Andy, 20 minute bursts are ideal. Don't thrash yourself when fatigued, keep it fresh! Use brains as well as brawn and think about what you are doing.... then again....
I hate dance music, don't you? Well dodgy, but creative! Dr. S.

Q: I play in a band called the Pillocks.
Mr. A.F. Steele, Gosnells.

A: Dear A.F. Sorry, I can't help that problem.

Q: The singer in my band is always telling everyone what to do, and I can't have much input in the band because I am a drummer. (So they say). Why does the singer get his own way all the time while I cop it in the neck. Anon.

A: Hmmm... Dear Anon. Being a drummer can be tough, as people wrongly judge you not to be a musician. If you like the band you are in and it is successful stop whining, if it is a failure, then it is a problem. Learn to play a bit of guitar so you can relate to the rest of the band on a note basis. As for singers, that's life dude! They get the glory, chicks, songwriting credits, while you get to pack your drums up. Life is tough on the poor drummer!

Q: I am in a two guitar band, but the other guy is hogging all the solos... help!
Ray from Rockingham.

A: Dear "Ray"... ask the other guy for more solos! He probably doesn't realize he is even hogging the solos! If he doesn't agree to co operate then you have a problem!
You can: Leave the band... Shut up... Get the other guys to make him see sense!
If you are a crummy player then that could be part of the problem. Know your limitations! You may be a great rhythm player!

Send your questions to Dr Shredley!

J