Yes folks, the guitar hero goes down in history as the tortured artiste, the spoiled brat, the egomaniac, the manic depressive, the wastrel loser, the warrior of rock and roll, on the road to glory or nowhere, or sometimes both! Let us look at the roots of the many problems that beset many great, and not so great bands from behind the jam room doors, where the glory of rock is seen warts and all!

Can you spot potential trouble spots that could split up your mega platinum super band before it's time? Can you afford to wallow in your own glory, as your super bank account drains, and you stop gracing the cover of Guitar Player? Here are some of the things that torture us!

Learn well young Jedi!
Dr. Shredley M.D.

Part 1: "I'll never get anywhere with this bloody thing", aka "The Rut" syndrome.
Let us first look at some common causes for this much suffered complaint.

• "I can't play fast enough, and that dude is better than me".....

Aka "The Egomaniac/Paranoidal Histrionical Complex also suffered by vocalists.

Now...this particular strain spread like the plague with the advent of Shred.
Symptoms: Irritable, prone to fits of violence, prolonged misery and rejection of guitar, wreckage of instrument and anti guitaristic tendencies, including foul abuse directed at other musicians.
Causes: There are enormous variations in the causes of this illness, the most common being laziness.

The patient may not fully realise the hours of sweat his "opponent" has put into his craft, sweating blood as he masters scales, learning how to enhance what the band is doing when he is not soloing etc....Meanwhile, our patient may have been partying hard, boasting about his prowess, bagging other players. When he does pick up his axe he has so much work ahead of him he finds he cannot cope, leading to feelings of stupidity brought on by much boasting around the traps. This patient may well take his misery out on his colleagues, hence the much heard assesment "Egotistic w&%$#!"

Let us examine another variation of this complaint, "The Practicaholic"!

This case is very much the opposite of our previous character, but suffering very much the same symptoms. This strain may only last a few days or weeks, unlike our previous case, which is terminal. It is very much a case of not seeing the wood for the trees. He will practice valiantly for days on end, usually without stopping to think. Consequently, due to fatigue and lack of direction, he feels he is not getting anywhere, resulting in extreme anguish, wreckage of instrument etc.

Cure:
For "The Chronic Practicaholic" it is relatively easy to overcome. All he needs is rest, and a trip to the pub to unwind. He will suffer slight withdrawal symptoms, and a Jeff Beck album will help relieve the pain. IMPORTANT NOTE: ISOLATE PATIENT FROM YNGWIE MALMSTEEN ALBUMS.

For "The Egotist", unfortunately, the cure will cause extreme distress for the patient. Caution is advised! First of all, if your band has a manager, ask them to face the patient with the truth...WARNING: This may cause total alienation of manager....As a back up treatment the drummer must also counsel him. This treatment is relatively failsafe as patient will have a phobia about copping a drumstick in his nether regions, and apart from extreme physical pain will also cause great embarrassment in front of his peers. If treatment does fail, he may decide to leave the band. This is not uncommon.

In the long run, our patient may be doomed to oblivion, when even the most hardened rhythm section will lose it's patience, leaving our sufferer pursuing a solo career. If our patient is lucky enough to have talent he may  lead a normal life, but will be a constant source of misery to those around him.

There are myriad variations of this malady, and both sufferers and band members must be made to understand that music can actually be a fun, stimulating and creative force for the good of all of us. If there are people out there better, or more successful than you (and of course there are!) learn to appreciate their talents for what they are and learn from them, not despite them. Only then can you make a full recovery!

On a final note, the patient must want to recover, otherwise all this psychological blurb is futile!

Back to Ask Dr Shredley!

• What makes a good guitar player?

• Teachers and schools - Find a tutor near you!

• New Column! Ask Dr Shredley! All your problems solved. (and others created!).

• Guitaranalysis - More thoughts from DR S

• Led TrouserSnake - How not to be in a band?

• Guitarist links

• About the author - Jamie Page page.

Written by Jamie Page, Kosmic sales  person and Black Steel guitarist. Check out what is happening with my latest project and stuff here...

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