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Guitar Lessons at
Kosmic Guitars......
The Legendary rise
and fall of LedTrouserSnake -
How not to be in a rock band!
Part 1: The legendary Led Trousersnake up close!
Part 2: What becomes
of the snake?
Part 3: "Nice guys
finish last".
Part 4: Maximus
Musicus Integritus Departus!!!!
Led TrouserSnake Mark 2 Pic by
Matt Williams
Part 1:
The moguls at Sory records are discussing new
signings and their projects development...
"How are Led TrouserSnake going?" asks Mr. Goldnuggett,
A&R boss...
"Er... great new album, but the singer wants a remix cause the guitar
is too loud, a tour is booked supporting Ozzy, and cost for the tour is
around $50,000, including promo and accommodation. The bass player has a
drug problem to sort out and the drummer is on the booze. We still need a
single or two to really get some radio play momentum but the band hate the
idea, otherwise everything is cool" says the A&R man responsible
for them.
"Grunt" scoffs Mr. Goldnuggett.
"What about the Backdoor
boys?" he asks..
"It's easy. Our computer guy ran up a few backing tracks with a great
beat you can dance to, and the lads have agreed to let session people do
the hard bits. They prefer photo sessions anyway. They are booked to mime
on all major TV shows so we don't have to tour... thank god... apart from
mimed live cameo stuff, and they are happy with the money situation. If
there is a problem we can knock another disposable act up to replace them
anyway. We expect 2 or 3 quick charting singles and cash flow straight
away, development cost minimal..." says the ultra trendy A&R
person in charge of the Backdoor boys as he accepts a pay rise..
"Bloody great!" slurps Mr. Goldnuggett. "Sod the
TrouserSnake, sign some more Backdoor boys type bands.... who signed Led
TrouserSnake? Get 'em outta here!"
"Oh' er!" whimpers our A&R rock person!
What should Led TrouserSnake have done here to stay
in business?
- Understood the nature of making money?
- Stayed clean and sober, concentrating on the
difficult task of being on a major label, and the problems therein?
- Join a boy band?
- Release their art on a smaller label, and done
the hard touring graft to promote themselves?
- Got a day job?
Hmmmmm..... what next?
Part 2: What becomes of the
snake?
Our beloved A & R man that signed the snake really
does believe in them, what will he do? Why manage them of course! But why
would he throw good money after bad? Let's find out!
Let us meet the members of Led TrouserSnake....
- Maximus Le Botomy - Vocals.
- Marshall Gibson - Lead Guitar.
- Smashley Von Ludwig - Drums.
- Gino Vaselino - Bass.
And of course, manager Brian Damage.
The scene... post deal loss rehearsals.
Maximus: "You idiots, I'm leaving the
band...."
Gino: "Well P@$$ off then..."
Smashley: "Burp... yeh, more beer, p@%# off Maximus"
Marshall: "C'mon guys, we only lost a record deal, we have each other,
man, lets stick it out, we can make it..."
Smashley: "Duh, rock and roll man, more beer... (Dribble)..."
Gino: "Well I'm off to join a cover band and make loadsa money, you lot
can get stuffed"
Marshall: "Well you are all losers, I am leaving too, ... no, you lot
get lost and I will carry on the great name Led TrouserSnake..."
Brian: "And I will manage The New Led TrouserSnake... lets put an ad in
the paper for some real musicians who have their shit together"
Maximus: "But what about me and my beautful hair, and great looks, I am
the rightful heir to Led TrouserSnake..."
Who will win the power struggle and take over the
band?
Find out in part 3... "Nice
guys finish last".
The scene: Marshall Gibson's flat, band meeting.
Unknown to Marshall, Maximus has signed a deal with
hardcore management supremo Pancho Cortez, who sees money in his beautiful
hair. Maximus has engaged the services of guitar super hero to be Jimi Van
Clapsteen, and Smashley and Gino have sided with Maximus as Pancho has
offered loadsa money.
Pancho has 'convinced' Brian Damage to drop rights to
the name, and Marshall is about to be sacked because he is a 'troublemaker'
according to Pancho.
Marshall: "Hey guys, I have some great new songs
and stuff to show you, are we ready to stick together and really have a go?
I am so excited about the future, and I hope you guys can all see sense and
make up with each other..."
Smashley: "Ahem.... er, got any beer
Marshall?"
Marshall: "Sure Smashley... have 2 mate!"
Gino: "Er, Marshall, you are out of Led
TrouseSnake, man, sorry dude, bye."
Smashley: "See ya"
Maximus: "Sorry man..... hey, can we keep your
songs? I'll get Pancho to sort it out with you later dude, good luck"
Marshall: "But guys......."
The Led TrouserSnake door slams on the career of
Marshall Gibson.
Maximus
Musicus Integritus Departus!!!!
Pancho Cortez is losing money fast on Led Trouser
Snake. What is the fix?
Pancho's office, band meeting.....
Pancho: "Look, boys, I can get you a gig at
Busselton next year, but you will only be paid $10 each as my expenses are
so high. The band is going nowhere and I have a better idea. I think you
need an image, and maybe if you all get your hair cut, drop the rock part of
the act, get a DJ in, and follow the trends of today more closely we can
make some money...."
Maximus: "But Pancho, we could have stayed with
Sory records and Mr Goldnugget to sell out, dude..."
Pancho: "Who said sell out max? You can do your
own thing when you make money.... "
Maximus: "Yeh, maybe you are right Pancho...."
Stay tuned rock heroes!
Written by Jamie
Page, Kosmic sales person and Black
Steel guitarist. Check out what is happening with my latest
project and stuff
here...
www.kosmicsound.com
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